SKT 3000

Quality Time in Xantharl's Keep
Valandrien Destroys an Army

Worvil Forkbeard was not the sole survivor of a red dragon attack.

Session Seven: Xantharl’s Hold



Ilamauyil. A vain half-elven bard in love with Valandrien but denying it.

Sterrin Blackhand. A human rogue and far traveler.

Valandrien Dezlentyr. A half-elven sorcerer from Waterdeep.


Plans changed. Nobody went to Neverwinter. Instead, the group went to Luskan and ignored the huge flaming longship in the harbor. They did not sneak on board or learn anything about the giants who had crashed and burned.

The group trekked inland. They killed two hill giants and failed to save an innocent pig. Some farmers were buried. A draft horse was noticed.

Travel happened. Some bandits shared their campfire and did not attempt to rob the heroes after being scared by their exploits.

Despite Valandrien’s objections, the group travelled to Mirabar for no known reason. They sold some giant heads and asked after Worvil Forkbeard. He wasn’t in Mirabar. The food wasn’t very good, either.

Ila rented a carriage for the trip to Waterdeep. Valandrien bought a horse. Sterrin elected to run alongside and died from exhaustion.

The first fortified location south of Mirabar was Xantharl’s Hold, a military outpost. There were many soldiers there, led by Lord Narbek Horn, a dwarf dude.

The innkeep was a female half ogre named Arzastra. She told the group that the new stable boy was an old dwarf who claimed to have been the sole survivor of a red dragon attack. She also told rumors about stone giants taking apart buildings.

The alarm sounded. A large force of goblins, hobgoblins, nobgoblins, ogres, and a giant were approaching the gate in a hostile manner. Every soldier in the place abandoned his/her post and went to look. Did I mention that this was a military outpost?

A dozen hobgoblins slipped over the unguarded wall and rushed the stables. Our heroes ran to defend their new horses and carriage! Oh, and the new stableboy was grabbed and taken away.

Fight! Eventually, all of the hobgoblins died and the dwarven stable boy was rescued. Of course, he turned out to be Worvil Forkbeard. The giant Koltivar had paid the hobgoblins to abduct the rogue because he wanted the reward money.

The heroes turned Forkbeard in for a writ worth 5000 gp at a bank in Waterdeep. Lord Horn offered the heroes a bazillion hand jobs if they would chase the army that had been at the gates and destroy them.

It was an insane idea, and they said no. Then Ila decided she needed some more “experience.” So the group tracked the army and scouted them out.

The next day, there was much tracking and wayyyyyyyyyy more scouting. Then there was a lot of waiting and watching.

Soon enough, there was a great deal of fighting and falling down. Everybody died four or nine times. Limbs were lost forever. When only a few jobgoblins were left, the group graciously let them collect some of their dead (but not THAT one guy!) and leave.

The group crawled back to Xantharl’s Keep, got their reward, and fell asleep in the fanciest rooms in the inn.


End Session

Patrolling Icewind Dale
Valandrien Makes the Dale Safe Again


Temperance Foundling. A loud half-orc paladin.

Sterrin Blackhand. A human rogue and far traveler.

Valandrien Dezlentyr. A half-elven sorcerer from Waterdeep.


On the road to Ironmaster, our heroes had a long, boring walk. Eventually they found a menhir and did not fondle it. They shared tea with five dwarves, a couple of whom went into town to notify the dwarven city council that weirdos were waiting to talk with them.

Gwert Brighthelm, Augrek’s sister, arrived and spoke with the group. He said he would take Augrek’s “Send Help” message to the city council.  That was as good as the heroes could get. They rested and continued northeast to patrol the dale.

They got to the nearest ford. It was fordy. They continued on to the stone bridge. The ramp up to the bridge was gone, which made taking the mules nigh-impossible. So they trekked back to the ford and crossed there.

Not too far from the river, it began to snow. The group set up camp and got warm and dry.

Three yetis attacked FOR NO GOOD REASON! They nearly killed Valandrien twice. It was a bloody mess.

The next day the group fended off the unwanted advances of 2 frost giants. They continued on and found a cold campsite obviously used by giants.

Eventually, they met up with four humans from Korusk. There was much talking and the humans directed the heroes toward another clump of giants. The group ambushed three giants and barely survived again. But they added more heads to their smelly collection, bringing the grand total up to 6433 heads. At 200 gp per head, the heroes will be rich!

After many unpleasant days, the heroes returned to Bryn Shandar. The sheriff rewarded their efforts with titles “Defenders of Bryn Shandar.” This entitled them to a free french fry with the purchase of any steak and “most expensive wine bottle” at the local inn. Whoop-de-do!

During an expensive dinner (with free french fry/limited to one per group) two northern barbarians, Sorelissa Zandra and Naeremos One-Arm,  spoke of hunting Worvil Forkbeard.  He was allegedly somewhere between Bryn Shandar (YOU ARE HERE) and Mirabar (WAY OUT OF OUR WAY).

The group decided to go southwest to Neverwinter to sell the heads and meet up with the agent of the Gauntlet Temperance had learned of. From there, the plan was to continue to Waterdeep and find Artis Cimber and learn about the Ring of Winter.


End Session

Defending Bryn Shander's Gate
Valandrien Repels Frost Giants with a Little Help


Temperance Foundling. A loud half-orc paladin.

Sterrin Blackhand. A human rogue and far traveler.

Valandrien Dezlentyr. A half-elven sorcerer from Waterdeep.

Ilamayil De Pauw. A vain half-elven bard.


That evening, the heroes skipped into Bryn Shander. They visited the best inn in town and ate and drank in celebration of not being enslaved halflings. Hurrah!

Temperance spoke with Sir Baric Nylef about Order of the Gauntlet secret stuff.

Everyone else drank the local Firebrandy, highly recommended by the dwarven innkeeper Ogden Flamebeard, and immediately regretted doing so.

The next morning the group met with Sherrif Markham Southwell to tell him that his sister had died in the raid on Nightstone. “Who?” said the sheriff. “I ain’t got no sister.”

Soon enough, a loud gianty (hint hint) voice boomed “Surrender Artis Cimber or die!” from outside the south gate. Investigating, it turned out to be a frost giant warrior named Droofi. She had two other giants and two big wolves with her. They wouldn’t listen to reason, namely that Artis Cimber wasn’t in the town, and attacked.

It turned out that the South Gate was made of testicles! Yes, it was balls. The giants and their big ol’ wolves flailed away at the gate for dozens of seconds while the heroes and a few townsfolk rained down angry itchy pain. Aiding the heroes were:

  •             Sir Baric Nylef, a muscly type human;
  •             Augrek Brighthelm, a female dwarf badass;
  •             Sirac of Suzail, a human acolyte of Torm;
  •             Beldora Something, something something something;
  •             Duvessa Shane, a twelve year old girl who is also the Town Speaker.

Eventually the gate fell and much fighting occurred just at the entrance to the town. The giants kept calling for Artis Cimber until they died. Their leader was a female giant named Droofi.

Dead giants had great loot, including:

  • A dead pig
  • A statue of a dwarf
  • Some moldy cheese
  • 50’ of hemp rope
  • A mangy fur pelt
  • A large necklace of dragon fangs
  • A live goat
  • A three foot tall idol of Thrym, the frost giant god of not bathing
  • A mammoth horn worth 750 gp
  • A helm with eight 100 gp gems
  • 8 objets d’art worth 25 gp each

Other lesser NPC’s somehow held the town against the giants at the other gates. Sheriff Southwell asked the adventurers to do all kinds of things and avoided giving them any reward for saving the town.


  1. Patrol the Dale and look for signs of giant activity;
  2. Go to Ironmaster and notify the Brighthammer clan that Bryn Shander needs help;
  3. Bo to Hindlestone and get secret Harper info from secret Harper Thwip Ironbuttocks, a secret gnome;
  4. Visit Waterdeep. The Dancing Wave, a ship in Luskan, will ferry the heroes up and down the Sword Coast. The captain is someone’s aunt, Inerva Coldwater.
  5. Sir Baric is looking for the fugitive, Warvil Firebird, aka “The Weevil,” a dwarf who was last seen in the area. Also, Sir Lannover, the Gauntlet agent in Neverwinter, has candy.

Under minimal torture, Sirac admitted that Artis Cimber was his father. His dad owns the legendary artifact the Ring of Winter. Sirac said that the heroes should visit the noble family Roaringhorn in Waterdeep, with whom Valandrien is acquainted.

The plan becomes to make a circuit of the area, visiting Hundlestone first. The trip there is quick and uneventful. Sirac accompanies them. Thwip Ironcheeks, gnome janitor, gives Ila a clockwork dog with a winding key. Valandrien’s “familiar,” Rillix the Winged Cat, sniffs in disdain.

Thwip tasks the party with visiting Frohan Valharrow in Everlund. He is a powerful wizard residing in the Moongleam Tower. Everyone quickly decides to not go there.

On the road the Ironmaster, a frost giant and a wolf express their severe disagreement with our heroes—much to their dismay. The heroes add the giant’s head to their collection, kept under wraps on their wagon. Word on the street is, the Lords’ Alliance is paying 200 gp per head, if delivered to a certain major city like Waterdeep or Neverwinter.

End Session


SKT: Into the Dripping Caves
Valandrien Rescues Villagers and Restores Nightstone Village


Temperance Foundling. A loud half-orc paladin.

Sterrin Blackhand. A human rogue and far traveler.

Valandrien Dezlentyr. A half-elven sorcerer from Waterdeep.

Ilamayil de Pauw. A vain half-elven bard.


Goblins were tickled, slapped, and questioned. They revealed that “Boss Hark” had sent them to raid the town. Said Boss had remained back at the Dripping Caves along with his big guards Thog and Nob. A tricksy goblin named Snigbat guarded the back entrance. Math is hard, but the heroes estimated twenty goblins had remained behind. If the heroes didn’t merely want to kill all the gobbos, they could clear the path to the water.

The Dripping Caves were a mere mile or so north of Nightstone. Skirting around the front entrance, the heroes entered through a natural chimney. Three “wives” attempted to kill the good guys, but failed. A cautious alliance was entered into with Snigbat. If the heroes killed Hark, Snigbat would probably be the new leader of the goblins and would give the adventurers all of Hark’s stuff.

Sterrin quickly snuck in to the next cave room and assassinated Hark with one shot.

Everyone else rushed in to a huge cavern full of tension and the smell of old goulash and foot fungus. The two ogres, Thog and Nob complained that Hark was dead. Temperance failed to intimidate anyone. Ila failed to diplomatize anyone. Valandrien succeeded in awing everyone. Snigbat tried to convince everyone that she was the new leader.

<s>It worked! Everyone went home happy.</s>

The ogres didn’t want to cooperate. They attacked. Valandrien webbed one of them. Temperance charged. Goblins fired arrows at the ogres. Ila’s guided bolts knocked the ogres unconscious.

“All Hail Queen Snigbat!”

The heroes spoke with Queen Snigbat and some of the surviving goblins. They found the captured villagers and freed them. Hark’s gear was taken. The captured goblins were returned. Everyone lived happily ever after.

The next day, back in Nightstone village, the dwarven innkeeper, Morak the Warty offered the Heroes of Nightstone no reward, no free food, no treasure, and no magic lint. Instead, he asked them to do three difficult things:

1. Journey to far off Bryn Shandar, in the wayyyy distant north, to inform Sheriff Markham that his sister Semmele Southwell had died.

2. Go to nearby Goldenfields and deliver Valadrien’s winged cat buddy Rillix to Miros Zelbrin. Oh, and maybe mention that both of his parents were crushed by a rock. Or maybe not. Morak didn’t seem to care.

3. Trek to semi-distant Triboar and sample the smoked quail at the Pleasing Platter. After dinner, tell the head of the Lionshield trading coster, Darthag Ulgar, that his ex-wife Alaestra was killed painfully over two days by cruel goblins.

The group decided to sleep on it and choose which quest to pursue in the morning.

In the morning, a strange sight was seen over Nightstone: a flying tower wearing a huge “wizard’s hat” with moons and stars on its top.

The remaining villagers agreed to send a runner to Waterdeep to contact their dead mayor’s noble family as maybe they owned the village or something and so should send someone to help/rule/loot the town.

The owner of the tower was a wack-job cloud giant named Zephyros. He invited the adventurers to journey with him to the land of gumdrops and suppositories. They accepted and he flew North.

Over three weeks, the tower got several visitors:

1. Vultures with riders who turned out to be nasty air cultists. At the heroes’ suggestion, Zephyros told them to go away. They went away.

2. A silver dragon ferrying ten dwarves. The dwarves announced that they were from Mithral Hall and were going to disable the tower. However, Valandrien showed them the secret handshake/hand signs and persuaded the dwarves that Zephyros was not one of the suddenly-crazy giants who were attacking all over the North. The dwarves got on their dragon taxi and flew away.

Zephyros set the adventurers down a medium-length walk away from Bryn Shander and flew away to compete in the Flying Tower Olympics.

—End Session


Post Session Session:

Walking toward the quaint village of Bryn Shander in the cold Autumn night, our heroes encountered a line of orcs. But they weren’t ordinary “janitor” orcs! No, they were slavers and they had several halfling slaves. However, they died like janitor orcs.

The halflings, a family led by Ollie Woodhew, were escorted to their nearby farm. Grateful for their rescue, they handed out lime flavored popsicles and a crappy old thing that they had found once at the bottom of a dung chute: the legendary Fochluchan Bandore.

This ancient relic can cast many cool spells once per day, including:

  • Fly
  • Invisibility
  • Levitate
  • Protection from Evil, Good, and Herpes
  • Entangle
  • Faerie Fire
  • Summon 1d6-8 Grapes
  • Shillellellagh
  • Speak with Animals

In addition, any charm spells cast by its wielder save at disadvantage.

The bandore was of course given to the <s>orc</s> bard.




SKT: Surviving the Orc Siege
Valandrien's Suspicions of Kella are Proven Correct

Zhents prove to be evil, cruel, callous, and they also smell funny, too!

Surviving the Orc Siege


Temperance Foundling. A loud half-orc paladin (Absent).

Sterrin Blackhand. A human rogue and far traveler.

Valandrien Dezlentyr. A half-elven sorcerer from Waterdeep.

Ilamayil de Pauw. A vain half-elven bard.


The adventurers ran fast enough to the towers to raise the  bridge before the 7 riders crossed it. There was much talking with the riders. They claimed to have arrived from Daggerford to help the town—but they would have had to have left Daggerford before the goblins attacked in order to have arrived in time. Suspicious!

Their leader was Xolkin Ass-ass-adar, a half elf in leather armor. Soon enough, the heroes lowered the bridge and the riders rode into town. They were immediately greeted and joined by Kella. Apparently all of the riders were Zhentarim. Xolkin wrote a note and attached it to the winged snake, which flew away.

Night fell.

The Zhents holed up in the inn and did nothing that could be remotely classified as “helping the town.” The company of heroes slept overnight in the town store, keeping watch the entire night. Nothing happened… apparently….

In the morning, a Zhent in a gate tower yelled “Orcs!” and people started running everywhere. Once again, they managed to get the gate up. About ten orcs swam the moat and attacked. The others watched them fail utterly, then ran south toward the gap in the wall.

Fighting happened. Temperance wasn’t there to hold the gap because he had a splinter in his pinky finger and so he hid. Sterrin killed many. Some Zhents helped. Ila outlined four orcs in faerie fire which only hastened their demises. Xolkin downed the leader of the orcs and then cried over his dead comrades.

We took down the windmill vanes and used them to cross the broken bridge to the keep. Four soldiers barred the way. Soon we learned that they were the only living inhabitants of the keep. Of course, they also had the dead body of the mayor, Lady Verosa Noldar. They wanted her buried in her family’s mausoleum, behind-ish the inn.

The heroes made friends with the guards and got the explanation of what happened.

Two days ago, a flying castle hovered over the town and rocks fell from it, putting large holes in many buildings. Cloud giants flew down and grabbed the town’s namesake, a large obsidian rock, and carried it up into the castle. Townsfolk headed north/northeast/neville longbottom into caves (where they were apparently surprised and captured by recently arrived goblins).

These are the so-called “Dripping Caves” and are less than a mile distant. Whether they drip water, snot, or gooey cheese is currently unknown.

There was much discussion of what to do. Nobody quite trusted the Zhents, but Ila didn’t feel right attacking them before they had truly shown what evil dirt-eaters they were. Sterrin snuck out and recovered all of the town’s land deeds, just in case the Zhents were thinking about taking them.

The group scouted the cemetery and mausoleum, then dropped by the inn to chat. Xolkin offered them 200 gold pieces to kill the guards. Was that evil enough for Ila? Not quite.

There was even more discussion before the group put their plan into action.

The three heroes took the four guards and walked casually to the inn. Sterrin snuck off and fatally hugged one Zhent who had been watching the keep. Xolkin was sitting at a table. Talking happened, but nobody felt good about it.

Sterrin surprise attacked Xolkin. Kella poked her head around the corner and shot Ila. Ila fell over unconscious. A full-fledged battled occurred. Zhents ran away upstairs. Guards chased them. Sterrin gave Ila a potion of healing. Valandriend stabilized a guard who had been downed. She looked in his eyes and swooned. Ila spelled Xolkin into unconsciousness then took wayyyyyyy too long to stabilize him.

Upstairs, the guards rushed Kella and she fell out of the window. Val leaned out and magic missilified her into oblivion. Sterrin took out the last Zhent.

Back in the Keep, Temperance farted in his sleep.

In the end, both Xolkin and Kella didn’t die. They were tied up securely and the group took stock of the situation. Xolkin said that thenote he had written and sent “to the Snail in Daggerford” said that the Zhents had secured the town. Yeah, that might have been a bit premature, buddy. Xolkin and Kella were tied up, searched, stripped naked, searched again, and put in separate cells beneath the keep. Then they were searched again.

Ila healed the guards. They all lived!

Future plans involve the Dripping Caves, rescuing villagers, and slapping Temperance awake.


End Session.




Treasure so far.

Yeah…. so here it is in no particular order or compilation..

Fish shaped silver locket with a portrait of a male halfling… value: 25gp, 3 vials of perfume valued at 5gp ea.; battered copper flagon with a grinning halfling.  worth 1gp. 1 gold ring worth 25gp 

5cp, 1 live chicken, 1 herbalism kit, a vial of antitoxin, pouch with 15gp,

golden holy symbol of Asmodeus - 75gp value-, healer's kit, potion of healing. 

4cp, 3 sp. tinderbox, smoking pipe, teddy bear, box of 3 dragon ante cards worth 1gp. 

32 gp, 17 sp,  writing materials, wax seals, tax records, land ownership documents, etc. 

3 sticks of incense 5gp ea.  silver holy symbol of Mielikki, (25gp) , 37cp, 15 sp.  c

5 draft horses, 5 riding horses,

1cp, box with 10 silvered darts. 

block of cheese, cooked chicken, frying pan, iron pot, bullseye lantern, two flasks of oil, cook's utensils, jar of cloves (1sp), jar of saffron (1gp), dented silver jug (20 gp), and cracked hourglass, worth 25 gp if repaired. 

suit of dwarf sized chainmail, dwarven helm, 45 gp, 2 100gp gemstones, potion of heroism.


Stuff from trading post. 



SKT: A Great Upheaval, Part One
Valandrien Meets Rillix the Winged Cat

Storm King’s Thunder: A Great Upheaval, Part One


Temperance Foundling. A loud half-orc paladin.

Sterrin Blackhand. A human rogue and far traveler.

Valandrien Dezlentyr. A half-elven sorcerer from Waterdeep.

Ilamayil De Pauw. A vain half-elven bard who dresses funny.


Intermission in Parnast:

Azzam gave Valandrien a note from the Lords’ Alliance urging him to go west and grow up with the country. Other people were told similar things, along with cryptic advice, such as “Beware the Giants,” “Investigate and aid those in power in the town of Nightstone,” and “Don’t eat the yellow snow.” More info magically appeared, including the fact that Lady Velrosa Nandar, the steward of the town of Nightstone was looking for someone to mediate the town’s relationship with the Elvis of the Ardeep Forest. The heroes said they would “Take care of business.”

So they set out. Somewhere along the way an elaborately dressed female bard asked to accompany them. Temperance said something loudly. Everyone else welcomed her.


Nightstone is Full of Goblins

After several days and even more nights, they found themselves in the vicinity of the town of Nightstone. They could hear a large bell ringing and correctly supposed that it was the town church’s bell. Sterrin and Ila scouted ahead. They saw the front gate of the town was open, the drawbridge was down, nobody seemed to be occupying the gate towers, and there was a hint of stinky cheese smell wafting on the breeze.

Further investigation revealed lots of booted feet and some child/kobold sized tracks leading away from town, north into the Ardeep Forest. Also, there were many smaller bare feet tracks and some big dog prints leading into the town.

Soon enough, the entire group was sneaking quickly into town. Across the main square they saw two big wolves gnawing on a couple of bodies. They killed both and took the time to give both bodies proper temple rites (lasting six hours) and a burial in sacred ground. Then they entered the church.

It was a place of worship for both Lathander, God of the Dawn, and Mielikki, Goddess of Forests and Stuff. There were a few large rocks directly beneath large holes in the ceiling and/or roof. Draw your own conclusions. We killed one goblin and took his sack. It was full of awesome loot: a roasted chicken; five pounds of pocket lint; special churchy toilet paper; and a mile-long spaceship. The group kept everything in the sack.

Upstairs, they found two particularly attractive goblins ecstatically pulling the bellrope. They snuck away and left those goblins alone… for now!

An Innocent in the Inn

They entered the inn. It had holes in the roof and a few large rocks casually strewn about. It also had a female human with a crossbow holed up in one of the rooms. She was wary at first, but soon became best friends after being given the roasted chicken. She seemed confused by what had happened, and her pet winged snake—aka her familiar—refused to talk. She was just visiting the town, she said. Her name was Kella Darkhope Blooddrinker, or something like that. Nobody was suspicious of her at all. She opted to stay at the inn.

Going from building to building, the heroes heroically picked the goblins off one or two at a time. A particularly smelly goblin named Gumgum revealed that the goblins looted the town after the capturing the locals—who ran away from the rocks that fell on the town. She said that the goblins lived in some caves to the north, near the water. That was mildly helpful.

The group advanced widdershins, killing some goblins and letting others live in a casual display of pointedly cavalier attitude. They tied up and locked up the few surviving goblins.

Some loot was found, including a winged cat/tressym named Rillix. Ila spoke with him and he seemed very nice, although concerned for how long his wizardly master was napping underneath the big rock.


Temperance’s First Suicide Attempt

After completing most of the circuit, the group paused to decide what to do next. The half-orc failed his Intelligence check and stepped out into the open, loudly proclaiming free candy to anyone who could hit him with a projectile weapon. Several arrows found his torso, loosed from the high windmill/tower across the way. The group ran to the tower while Temperance stood in the street and nearly died.

He’s not smart.

Eventually Sterrin, Ila, and Val entered the tower and dispatched the archers within. Then they told Temp what a dumb thing he had just done. Let me tell you, there was some impressive role-playing thereafter, full of arguing, spitting, and grumping.

The heroes took a short rest in the windmill tower, then made their way toward the center of town into a trading post. Some things were borrowed.

The heroes inspected the town, debating whether to try to cross the broken bridge to the keep, or go kill the goblins who were still ringing the bell. But at that moment, fate intervened. A gaggle of seven riders on seven horses rode up to the gate. They had theme music! The heroes ran to the towers to try to raise the drawbridge.

Did they succeed? Only time and the DM will tell!


—End Session



Uninvited Guests
Valandrien Befriends the King of the Fey

Uninvited Guests


Temperance Foundling. A loud half-orc paladin.

Sterrin Blackhand. A human rogue and far traveler.

Valandrien Dezlentyr. A half-elven sorcerer from Waterdeep.


Stuck in the dungheap/town of Parnast, the adventurers found ways to entertain themselves:

  • Sterrin drummed in the square.
  • Valandrien <s>made out with</s> spoke with Chandra, the priestess. She gave him some freshly baked bread.

That evening, they gathered in the only tavern, hight the Golden Tankard, along with Azam and nearly everyone in town. The crowding was unusual. Apparently the tavern’s owner, Ragnar Bentpenus, had asked people to attend so he could explain his brilliant plan for avoiding starvation: hire adventurers to hunt the “never been hunted for no particular reason” Weathercote Wood.

Gundalin Cartwright volunteered his inept, underage, ill-equipped son to accompany said adventurers.

Besides Sterrin and Valandrien, a loud half-orc allegedly named “Temperance” agreed to go on the “Quest for Food.” Everyone agreed it was the bestest quest ever! Ragnar announced that if the adventurers were successful, he would hold a big feast and waste as much food as possible in one single night.

To celebrate, everyone ate mangy squirrel and licked delicious salty rocks for dinner, courtesy of Ragnar. He really went all out.

The next morning dawned bright and clear. Birds sang sweet songs. The scent of fresh bread was on the air. Gundalin’s son Wallace found the adventurers and showed off his fine bow which he had used once before.

The adventurers went to the herbalist’s shop and were kind and generous to the old man who ran it. His wife had been the herbalist, but she died. He desperately needed money to retire, so he gladly and without any coercion whatsoever sold the heroes some potions for slightly less than their normal prices. They really didn’t need all of them, but they were feeling magnanimous and bought extra to help the old man live out his last three or four days in relative luxury. Valandrien felt really good for doing such a good deed. Ahhhh.

Chandra sought out Valandrien to make sure she gave him a <s>big fat kiss</s> blessing before he left. Sigh. It was going to be difficult for Val to let her down, but he was made for bigger things. He knew that his destiny lay beyond this small town (cue impressive music).

The four heroes walked mostly north for half a day until they came to the boundary of the Weathercote Wood. They crossed into the trees and immediately had a difficult time breathing. Soon they saw a delicious-looking stag, just standing there waiting to be killed. Sterrin readied an arrow.

“What are you doing?” A pesky, high voice squeaked. “You can’t do that here!”

The deer fled. The owner of the voice revealed itself: a tiny humanoid with dragonfly wings, a.k.a. a pixie. It shrieked its name, Prince Thornacius, and demanded that the adventurers perform unnatural acts—namely, not hunting or killing anything in the woods.

So they journeyed back to Parnast empty-handed and everyone in the town starved.

But wait! A satyr named Blasyous was appointed to guide the heroes outside of the wood to someplace where there was supposedly good hunting. Prince Thorn-ass-yus gave the group vials of blue gook which, when imbibed, protected them from the mists. He also yammered on “blah blah blah Silas the Herbalist something wife whose name I don’t remember was a friend something profit.”

Finally, the pixie prince charged each with the task of making a friend of a giant, then reporting back to this wayyyyy off the beaten path wood to earn a dirt-flavored lollipop. Yeah. We’ll get right on that. Sure.

The satyr led the heroes to the moor east of the woods. They camped and found bowls of fruit, berries, and tasty leaves. Yum! Then he led them  directly into a trap!

A few savory boars were partying. Wallace stupidly charged them. We fought the boars until the nearby gnolls ambushed us. Wallace was quickly knocked unconscious and eaten. There was fighting and more fighting… and even more fighting! After seven days and nine nights, Valandrien declared the battle over and slew the last hundred gnolls (except for the one that got away).

The heroes built travoiseses and dragged/carried the boars and Wallace all the way back to Parnast. True to his word, Ragnar threw a feast for all the villagers in the town square. Everyone ate delicious pork and nobody died unexpectedly.

As expected, gnolls attacked the feast. Despite the distractions of Gertrude the Cow and Geriatric Gerald (who died), the heroes proved victorious. The townsfolk were ever so grateful.

Valandrien, out of the kindness of his gentle-yet-brilliant soul, gave Silas the Dead Herbalist’s husband, some extra coin so he could afford a coffin. His burial is in two days.

P.S. Wallace Cartwright lived.

The Black Road
Valandrien's Humble Beginnings


“Chokehold Chuck.” A human pugilist/grappler and drunkard.

Sterrin Blackhand. A human rogue and far traveler.

Valandrien Dezlentyr. A half-elven sorcerer from Waterdeep.


Meeting by chance at the Oasis of Vuerthyl, near the western edge of the mighty Anauroch Desert, the three adventurers met first with Rashemi, an elf with a mustache, and his acquaintance/familiar/boss? Hsing, a gold pseudodragon. Tales were told of goblin raids along the black road, and the need to get a statue of the triune elven goddess to Parnast where it could be admired by the pudding-headed locals.

The heroes enlisted as caravan guards with Azzam. They were desperate to get away from Vuerthyl and getting paid and fed seemed like a good idea.

Or was it???

Yes, actually it was. Let’s move on.

Escorting four wagons, the three naive young murderhobos joined Azzam and three doomed wagon drivers whose names are forever lost to the ages. Valandrien noticed that when he was near the statue, he felt even groovier than he normally did—a feat which he had previously deemed impossible!

Goblins attacked one night and their most important piece of loot was what seemed like a batch of foot-long carved strips of hardened something. These turned out to be toenail clippings from a giant. Chuck fondled them.

Several uneventful days later, the caravan encountered a group of wagons heading east. They stopped to chat and play roshambo. The other group were Zhentarim, led by a blond human man with a badly scarred face named “Fazul Slovis.” He warned Azzam and Company that hobgoblins had erected a wall across the road in a narrow crevasse to the west. Fazul said that he had paid 15 gold pieces to pass.

When they were well away, Azzam complained that the Zhentarim should have destroyed the hobgoblin toll wall; this was ostensibly a Zhent road. Mumble, mumble, and grumble.

In what can only be accurately described as a mass hallucination, everyone allegedly saw a castle on a cloud fly by at a dazzling speed. It was, at the least, a distraction. For the heroes failed to notice something until it was almost (dun dun DUN!) too late!

A terrible sandstorm arose suddenly and terribly. Everyone scrambled to save something from being blown away and lost forever. In the end, only two wagons—one containing the statue, one with water/medication/rare Magic: the Gathering cards and four camels were saved. All of the unnamed wagon drivers were swept off to wherever nameless NPC’s spend their down time.

The heroes had to drive the wagons. Gasp! It was almost beneath them, but not really. They were just rather inept at it.

Further west, the hobgoblins had apparently survived the sandstorm just fine. Their wall was undamaged and formiddable, blocking the entire narrow vale. Careful observation by people other than Chuck determined that most of the “guards” on the wall were in fact straw dummies. The stalwart adventurers attacked and killed all the hobgoblins except one.

That poor excuse for a soldier admitted that a giant named “Bahd Fool” was pushing the goblinoids to attack the Black Road for reasons unknown. They let the hobbo live and watched him run away into the wilderness, certain of the fact that he would never both them again. Ever. Not ever. Never.

Finally, after many days and twice as many nights, the two wagons and four survivors pulled in to the dreary town of Parnast. Chondra, the half-elf/half-babe priestess was so happy to add the statue to her collection, known locally as the “Shrine of Axes,” that she gave <s>Valandrien a huge kiss with tongue and</s> everyone 50 gold pieces.

The locals complained and whined about only getting water, medicine, and rare cards. They reluctantly let the heroes eat crappy food and rent vermin-infested lodgings.

Sterrin scouted around and discovered Azzam was holed up in a mostly-abandoned section of town. Valandrien admired the Shrine of Axes and its other statues while fending off Chondra’s advances.

Chuck got drunk on fermented dirt and shat himself in the middle of the town square.

End Session. 

Welcome to your campaign!
A blog for your campaign

Wondering how to get started? Here are a few tips:

1. Invite your players

Invite them with either their email address or their Obsidian Portal username.

2. Edit your home page

Make a few changes to the home page and give people an idea of what your campaign is about. That will let people know you’re serious and not just playing with the system.

3. Choose a theme

If you want to set a specific mood for your campaign, we have several backgrounds to choose from. Accentuate it by creating a top banner image.

4. Create some NPCs

Characters form the core of every campaign, so take a few minutes to list out the major NPCs in your campaign.

A quick tip: The “+” icon in the top right of every section is how to add a new item, whether it’s a new character or adventure log post, or anything else.

5. Write your first Adventure Log post

The adventure log is where you list the sessions and adventures your party has been on, but for now, we suggest doing a very light “story so far” post. Just give a brief overview of what the party has done up to this point. After each future session, create a new post detailing that night’s adventures.

One final tip: Don’t stress about making your Obsidian Portal campaign look perfect. Instead, just make it work for you and your group. If everyone is having fun, then you’re using Obsidian Portal exactly as it was designed, even if your adventure log isn’t always up to date or your characters don’t all have portrait pictures.

That’s it! The rest is up to your and your players.


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