Temperance Foundling. A loud half-orc paladin.
Sterrin Blackhand. A human rogue and far traveler.
Valandrien Dezlentyr. A half-elven sorcerer from Waterdeep.
Stuck in the dungheap/town of Parnast, the adventurers found ways to entertain themselves:
- Sterrin drummed in the square.
- Valandrien <s>made out with</s> spoke with Chandra, the priestess. She gave him some freshly baked bread.
That evening, they gathered in the only tavern, hight the Golden Tankard, along with Azam and nearly everyone in town. The crowding was unusual. Apparently the tavern’s owner, Ragnar Bentpenus, had asked people to attend so he could explain his brilliant plan for avoiding starvation: hire adventurers to hunt the “never been hunted for no particular reason” Weathercote Wood.
Gundalin Cartwright volunteered his inept, underage, ill-equipped son to accompany said adventurers.
Besides Sterrin and Valandrien, a loud half-orc allegedly named “Temperance” agreed to go on the “Quest for Food.” Everyone agreed it was the bestest quest ever! Ragnar announced that if the adventurers were successful, he would hold a big feast and waste as much food as possible in one single night.
To celebrate, everyone ate mangy squirrel and licked delicious salty rocks for dinner, courtesy of Ragnar. He really went all out.
The next morning dawned bright and clear. Birds sang sweet songs. The scent of fresh bread was on the air. Gundalin’s son Wallace found the adventurers and showed off his fine bow which he had used once before.
The adventurers went to the herbalist’s shop and were kind and generous to the old man who ran it. His wife had been the herbalist, but she died. He desperately needed money to retire, so he gladly and without any coercion whatsoever sold the heroes some potions for slightly less than their normal prices. They really didn’t need all of them, but they were feeling magnanimous and bought extra to help the old man live out his last three or four days in relative luxury. Valandrien felt really good for doing such a good deed. Ahhhh.
Chandra sought out Valandrien to make sure she gave him a <s>big fat kiss</s> blessing before he left. Sigh. It was going to be difficult for Val to let her down, but he was made for bigger things. He knew that his destiny lay beyond this small town (cue impressive music).
The four heroes walked mostly north for half a day until they came to the boundary of the Weathercote Wood. They crossed into the trees and immediately had a difficult time breathing. Soon they saw a delicious-looking stag, just standing there waiting to be killed. Sterrin readied an arrow.
“What are you doing?” A pesky, high voice squeaked. “You can’t do that here!”
The deer fled. The owner of the voice revealed itself: a tiny humanoid with dragonfly wings, a.k.a. a pixie. It shrieked its name, Prince Thornacius, and demanded that the adventurers perform unnatural acts—namely, not hunting or killing anything in the woods.
So they journeyed back to Parnast empty-handed and everyone in the town starved.
But wait! A satyr named Blasyous was appointed to guide the heroes outside of the wood to someplace where there was supposedly good hunting. Prince Thorn-ass-yus gave the group vials of blue gook which, when imbibed, protected them from the mists. He also yammered on “blah blah blah Silas the Herbalist something wife whose name I don’t remember was a friend something profit.”
Finally, the pixie prince charged each with the task of making a friend of a giant, then reporting back to this wayyyyy off the beaten path wood to earn a dirt-flavored lollipop. Yeah. We’ll get right on that. Sure.
The satyr led the heroes to the moor east of the woods. They camped and found bowls of fruit, berries, and tasty leaves. Yum! Then he led them directly into a trap!
A few savory boars were partying. Wallace stupidly charged them. We fought the boars until the nearby gnolls ambushed us. Wallace was quickly knocked unconscious and eaten. There was fighting and more fighting… and even more fighting! After seven days and nine nights, Valandrien declared the battle over and slew the last hundred gnolls (except for the one that got away).
The heroes built travoiseses and dragged/carried the boars and Wallace all the way back to Parnast. True to his word, Ragnar threw a feast for all the villagers in the town square. Everyone ate delicious pork and nobody died unexpectedly.
As expected, gnolls attacked the feast. Despite the distractions of Gertrude the Cow and Geriatric Gerald (who died), the heroes proved victorious. The townsfolk were ever so grateful.
Valandrien, out of the kindness of his gentle-yet-brilliant soul, gave Silas the Dead Herbalist’s husband, some extra coin so he could afford a coffin. His burial is in two days.
P.S. Wallace Cartwright lived.